I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
