You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
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The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
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We just shotgunned beers for America
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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