I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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