A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
