i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
