My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
