We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
