I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just blew my weed a kiss
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
