i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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