I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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