Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
