you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
