I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
