If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
