Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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