I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you would pick up someone in the library
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
