About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
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it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
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100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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