if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
