Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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