I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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