Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
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Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
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My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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