one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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