honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
