Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
