just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
you made out with another girl for some wings
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
