New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
