Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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