Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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