Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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