The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize