Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
