i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
