He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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