It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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