hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
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And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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