ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
