the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
