my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize