she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
