Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
