i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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