I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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