found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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