I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize