I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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