I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
