I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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