i jhust puked up my retainher.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
