he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Randomize
