you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize