Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
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Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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