ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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