Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
