That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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