I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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