he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
